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đĄsilencing the toxic ego that's ruining your life
iâve struggled with something thatâs not as obvious as an alcohol addictionâbut itâs just as dangerous
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Hi, Iâm Taylin. And Iâve struggled with something thatâs not as obvious as an alcohol addictionâbut itâs just as dangerous. Iâve struggled with my ego.
Itâs not easy to say, but here we are.
Admitting we have a problem is the first step to solving it, right? Thatâs what people say when they talk about addictionâacknowledge the issue, then take action to overcome it.
Admitting you have an ego problem? Itâs not easy. In fact, itâs downright painful. Thatâs probably why it took me so long to even admit it.
But after hearing a few people close to me point it out, I couldnât ignore it any longer.
I had to face the mirror and ask: how do I overcome this ego addiction?
The answer is not what I expectedâŚ
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Ego and the Power of Confession
âBless me Father, for I have sinned.â
I never thought Iâd find the solution to my ego problem in a church.
Iâm not religious, not by a long shot. But recently, a friend explained something to me that flipped a switch:
"Spiritual practices like confession and affirmations work by reprogramming our subconscious mind. And reprogramming the subconscious is key to overcoming the egoâs negative patterns."
It was a lightbulb moment.
Confession isnât just about admitting your wrongdoings. Itâs about acknowledging you have a problem, understanding its impact, and owning up to the consequences.
Only then does change become possible.
Iâve come to realize that my ego isnât just an annoying part of meâitâs a destructive force. And for a while, I didnât want to admit that. But once I did, I saw clearly how it hurt meâand everyone close to me.
Once I confessed, I could finally open my mind to a new way of thinking, a way thatâs constructive and beneficial. Confession wasnât just a releaseâit was the key to my own transformation.
Without confessionâwether it's through words or self reflectionâchange is impossible.
With confession, change becomes not only possible but also probably.
If you fail to accept you have a problem, you lack the motivation to do anything about it. It wasnât until the consequences became painfully clear that I realized, âI have to do better.â
Next? The steps I'm takingâŚ
How to Change Your Mind (And Relationship to Ego)
Ryan Holidayâs book Ego is the Enemy makes the case that the ego is something we must fight against. And while I donât disagree, hereâs what Iâve learned:
You donât need to abolish the ego entirely. A complete absence of self would leave us cold, confused, and unable to make an impact on the world.
Instead of trying to eliminate the ego, my goal is to reshape it into something healthier.
But what does that look like?
Itâs simple: Stop putting others down to lift yourself up.
This is the ego at its worst manifestationâmanipulating you to believing youâre above others. And the way we talk to ourselves feeds it.
Ever catch yourself thinking or saying things like:
âThat personâs writing sucks.â (implying youâre better)
âThat personâs brand is going nowhere.â (implying yours is stronger)
âThat person makes money, but I live a more virtuous life.â (implying youâre better)
These thoughts donât serve youâthey hold you back.
They reinforce a false sense of superiority that isolates you from what really matters: growth.
What good does it do to criticize others?
Does it make you better? No.
Does it teach you anything? No.
Does it move you closer to your goals? No.
Does it connect you with others? Definitely not.
Instead of continuing to fuel my egoâs hunger for dominance, Iâve started using mindfulness to catch myself.
When I find myself thinking, âThat personâs writing sucks,â I stop and ask: âWhat can I learn from this person?â
Replace criticism with curiosity to swap your mindset from judgment to growth.
Questions to lift you up, rather than drag others down.
âWhat can I learn from this personâs writing?â
âWhat did this person do right that I can apply to my own work?â
âWhat strengths can I acknowledge in this person, regardless of their success?â
âHow is this person doing something I should be doing to achieve my goals?â
I once heard my co-founderâDale Pyrczâsay something that really stuck with me:
âYou donât have the right to critique anyone. Especially if youâre not doing better than them in that area. And even then, your critique should be coming from a place of learning, not judgment.â
Thatâs powerful. And itâs true.
It's healthier to offer feedback from a place of learning, not judgment. If youâre ahead in an area, great. But that doesnât mean you have the right to tear someone down. Critique should always be aimed at helping, not harming.
You never gain anything by punching down.
But you gain everything by being open to learning from everyone you meet, no matter where theyâre at in their journey.
A New Path to Ego
So hereâs the invitation: join me on this journey to manifest a healthier, more constructive ego.
Weâve got nothing to lose. And everything to gain.
The more we learn to let go of that need to be better than others, the more we open ourselves to true growth.
The ego becomes an ally in this process, not an enemy.
So, are you in?
-Taylin John Simmonds
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